From surfbaud@waverider.co.uk Tue Nov 14 23:38:00 PST 2000 Article: 17020 of alt.humor.best-of-usenet Path: agate.berkeley.edu!agate!newsfeed.berkeley.edu!ucberkeley!nntp.primenet.com!nntp.gblx.net!news.phx.gblx.net!ahbou-and-some-other-stuff!largely-for-ahbou!mostly-for-ahbou!just-for-ahbou From: Dave Hemming Newsgroups: alt.humor.best-of-usenet Subject: [talk.bizarre] "Where's the Dungeon Master?" Followup-To: alt.humor.best-of-usenet.d Date: 13 Nov 2000 22:31:11 GMT Organization: best of usenet humor Lines: 67 Approved: ahbou-mod@duke.edu Message-ID: NNTP-Posting-Host: usr05.primenet.com X-Complaints-To: abuse@gblx.net X-Posted-By: user99@206.165.6.205 (user99) X-Disclaimer: The "Approved" header verifies header information for article transmission and does not imply approval of content. See .sig below. X-Submissions-To: ahbou-sub@duke.edu X-Posting-Moderator: b*gr*w X-FAQ-Is-At: ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/faqs/best-of-usenet-humor/ X-FAQ-Via-WWW: http://www.faqs.org/faqs/best-of-usenet-humor/ X-For-FAQ-Mailto: ahboufaq@eey.org Xref: agate.berkeley.edu alt.humor.best-of-usenet:17020 Subject: "Where's the Dungeon Master?" From: gherbert@gw.retro.com (George William Herbert) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre In another forum, Crisper asked (regarding the US Presidential Election): >Goddammit, where's the fucking Dungeon Master, anyway? GM: Roll your final election night success rolls. GWB: [rolls] 11! Marginal success. AG: [rolls] 11! Also marginal success. GM: Ok. Let's see how bad this is... [rolls] 18. Well. Isn't that special. Critical chaos table ... GWB, isn't your brother in charge of Florida? GWB: Yeah... but he's a NPC... GM: Too bad. AG, Florida was called for you on election night, but has shifted back to GWB by ... [rolls] twelve hundred votes. Al has a [rolls] 0.2% lead in the popular vote but is losing the electoral college if Florida stays in GWB's column. AG: Recount! Recount! GWB: No fair, if I'm winning... GM: Marginal success. GWB: But that was a success! GM: [rolls] 18 again! An excellent success. The election authorities in one of the Florida counties screwed up the ballot so all the voters with IQ under 100 or over 75 years old voted for the wrong person or twice. GWB: Aaaaaaa AG: I sue! No, wait, I don't sue, the *voters* sue... GM: Roll to convince some voters to sue. AG: ...[rolls] 14! I got 'em! GWB: This is just terrible. We can't be doing this to the country. Concede already, Al. AG: Did the media see that? Did they? GM: GWB, make a saving throw versus media. GWB: [rolls] 8. Nope. GM: Make a saving throw versus public opinion. GWB: [rolls] 12. Close enough? GM: People are shaking their heads, but not trying to burn down your house. GWB: Whew. GM: [rolls] 17. Excellent. The first recount results show GWB's lead narrowing to... [rolls] 350 votes! AG: I want a hand recount. GWB: No, you don't. AG: It says I can have a hand recount. It's on Page 41 of the Election Masters Guide, third paragraph, second sentence. GWB: Don't be a Wussy Rules Lawyer. GM: [flips pages] He's right. GWB: Well Damnit. I'm suing to stop him anyways. GM: You're suing to overturn the rules? GWB: Damn straight. GM: Oh-kay... roll for it. GWB: [rolls] 15! Hey, look at that, I got a 15! GM: Good, but not good enough to overturn a game rule... AG: Haw Haw. GWB: See if I share my pizza with you next time. AG: Hey, don't get Snippy. TO BE CONTINUED -george "Where's that Eratta sheet?" -- Moderators accept or reject articles based solely on the criteria posted in the Frequently Asked Questions. Article content is the responsibility of the submitter. Submit articles to ahbou-sub@duke.edu. To write to the moderators, send mail to ahbou-mod@duke.edu.